Social Skills Training and Self-Esteem: Fine-Tune Your Praise with Five Unlimited Ways

By Ellen Mossman-Glazer
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There is nothing as powerful as well chosen words to make your child feel great. That internal sense of satisfaction of a job well done is a feeling money cannot buy. You may be reinforcing your child's positive behaviors with concrete items or special experiences or something else. At same time, it is important to be instilling a sense of self pride in your child that is itself, the reward.

Your comments and compliments are magical in building your child's sense of worth. How often do you stop to reflect on just the right way to praise? It is especially important to make your praise clear and specific with younger children and children who have diagnoses of Asperger Syndrome, Autism and ADHD. Here are five categories to help you fine-tune your praising:

1. Acknowledging Praise Words

You are choosing words that give your child acknowledgment of effort or success. This type of praising is helpful when your child is working on meeting a challenge.

"I knew you could do it!"
"You figured it out!"
"You put an incredible amount of thought into that project."

2. Complimenting Praise Words

These are the type of words that build self-esteem by celebrating success or effort. You are praising an action you have seen and your words will usually have a big exclamation mark at the end!

"Awesome job!"
"Super work!"
"A dynamite job!"
" I admire how hard you work."
"You are so creative!"

3. Encouraging Praise Words

These are words that you might use intermittently to keep your child moving along. Your child might be having a tough time and encouraging words can be comforting and motivating.

"You are catching on."
"You're on your way now."
'I knew you could do it."

4. Affection Praise Words

You are simply sending a 'thank-you' message but the message is wrapped in special caring or love.

"You are a joy to work with!"
"Give me a hug!"
""You made my day!"

5. Esteem Boosting Praise Words

These words comment on a personal quality.

"You are an excellent listener."
"You are dependable about following through with your responsibilities."
"You treat people fairly even though it's hard to lose at the game."
"I see you take your work seriously and that takes maturity."
"I love how you get things done!"

Final Tip: Be descriptive as possible about the action you are praising.

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavior Specialist. She is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Parents, Educators and Caregivers and Social Skills: The Micro Steps.
Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/ You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children and adults have when they feel they don't fit in. Currently she works in private practice helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones find the tools to thrive.

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