Is Being A Stay-At-Home Mom Meant For Everyone?

By: Barbara Desmarais

When I was growing up in the 50’s and 60’s virtually everyone I knew had a stay-at-home mom but of course in those days no one ever used such a term. It was the norm and most mothers didn’t even consider the alternative. I think I had two friends whose mothers worked outside the home and that was when they were all almost in high school.

Times have changed dramatically. I’ve worked with hundreds of young parents over the years and most of them go back to work after their baby’s first birthday. Here in Canada mothers are given a one year paid maternity leave. I know in other parts of the world it’s much less. Some only get six weeks. Most of these mothers go back out of economic necessity. It’s now very difficult to raise a family on a single, average annual salary. I talk to many mothers who agonize over having to leave their baby and go back to work. They would give anything to stay home.

I have always considered myself a stay-at-home mom because although I’ve always worked at least part time, I’ve always been available to my kids before and after school and when they were very young, I sometimes worked in the evenings when my husband was home. I wouldn’t have had it any other way and knew it was the best decision for me and my family. My husband is a busy professional who puts in long hours and I knew I would be able to provide the balance we needed.

Throughout my years coaching parents and presenting workshops, I’ve come to realize there are mothers who do have a choice of whether or not to stay home and they’ve chosen to go back to work. They have found that they make better mothers when they are doing what they love. Some say that they just couldn’t handle being with a toddler all day long. Others say the resentment they felt brought out their worst. They constantly felt irritable and frustrated. Although many will say they admire mothers who stay home and find fulfillment in doing so, they have concluded that it’s just not for them.

I’m going to be honest and admit that I used to be quite judgmental towards women who chose to go back to work when their kids were very small, when they had the choice. I would say things like: “Why did they bother having kids if they weren’t prepared to be with them?’ Or, I would say: “How could a mother possible leave their baby in the care of someone else and go back to work?”

I can say now that I’ve changed my perspective and know those women who decide to go back to their job outside the home, do so because they know it’s best for the whole family. They are being true to themselves. They are women who are living with integrity. They in fact will report that the time they spend with their kids is far more enjoyable and positive than when they were home. They may be getting less of their mother but they’re getting the best of her. How can we say that’s a bad thing?

Article by:
Barbara Desmarais is a parenting and life coach and host of "The Parenting Coach Show" on the internet radio station, Snippet Radio -
www.snippetradio.com. Visit her website at www.theparentingcoach.com. She can be reached at barb@theparentingcoach.com

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